Men, Anal Pleasure and the Stigma Around It

Sex columns regularly receive letters from men who are curious about being on the receiving end of anal stimulation and unsure how a partner would react. One such letter, from a man in Edmonton writing about his girlfriend, prompted a sexuality educator to describe the subject as more common than the stereotype suggests.

The anus is rich in nerve endings and is widely classed as an erogenous zone for people of all genders. The claim that men are uninterested is, according to educators and many surveys of sexual interest, a myth, and interest is not limited to gay or queer men.

Why the subject stays quiet

Several overlapping factors are usually cited. Homophobia plays a part, especially among heterosexual men, who may worry that such desire says something about their orientation. Others fear that wanting this is inherently deviant, or feel exposed at the thought of sharing a deep fantasy with a partner.

Educators add that many couples find it hard to discuss any sexual interest that departs from expectations. Men in particular are often socialized to avoid admitting curiosity about receptive roles, and that reluctance can persist even in long-term relationships where other topics are discussed openly.

How the conversation is typically framed

Commentators generally present the situation as a pair of questions: whether the person is prepared to talk about the fantasy, and whether the partner is prepared to hear it. If the desire is occasional, some say it can remain private; if it is a persistent and important interest, it takes on weight in the relationship.

Writers on the subject also describe the emotional side. A person anticipating rejection may be carrying worries about masculinity or morality, so a negative response could reinforce existing doubts. Past reactions to sexual experimentation are often treated as a rough indicator of a partner's openness, and some commentators note that sexual compatibility is one component among many in a lasting partnership.

A range of practices

Anal play covers more than one activity. Educators list external touch, oral contact, fingers, vibrators, plugs and dildos, as well as a harness with a dildo worn by a partner, an activity sometimes called pegging. Interest in one does not imply interest in all, and the column pointed out that uncertainty before trying something new is normal.

Public health bodies in Canada note that sexually transmitted infections can be passed on through anal sex, and that delicate tissue makes it a subject of sexual health information, as with other practices. The column ended on an upbeat note, hoping the writer and his partner would find the experience enjoyable together.