Online Dating Through a Blogger's Eyes

Online dating has become one of the ordinary ways adults meet, yet its reputation still swings between romantic success story and cautionary tale. Personal blogs have long been a place where daters pick through the awkward middle ground.

One Canadian example was a blog kept under a pen name by an anonymous freelance writer who later wrote a sex column. Her premise was that her dating luck had been so bad it was funny, and that embracing the absurdity made for good material.

Is online romance possible?

The blogger rejected the popular idea that finding love through the internet is nearly impossible. In her view, it differs little from meeting people at parties or through friends, and she pointed out that several of her friends were in long-term relationships or engaged after first meeting online. That opinion is anecdotal, though surveys in several countries have likewise found that a sizeable share of newer couples first met on the internet.

Traits she found attractive

When asked what catches her attention on dating sites, the blogger listed a few preferences.

• A sense of humour, which she ranked first.
• Interests that go beyond watching television and hanging out, since shared topics give a conversation somewhere to start.
• A first message that refers to something in her profile, rather than a generic note sent to many people at once.

Traits that put her off

Her list of deterrents was shorter: dullness, a come-on that read as too forward, and pet names such as hon or sweetie from strangers. She also described people who contact someone just to insult her appearance, and said anyone who dislikes a profile can simply move on.

None of this, she added, works as a formula. Matching her preferences guarantees neither a date nor a good one. She mentioned accepting an invitation from a man who called her an endearing French nickname, which turned out to be a poor choice of date.

The sting of rejection

The blogger was open about the other side of the experience. Writing a witty message to someone who shares one's interests and getting no reply, apparently because of looks, age or hair colour, can be disheartening. Researchers who study online dating describe similar dynamics, in which quick visual judgments and large pools of options shape who gets answered.

Why write about it

Her stated aims were mixed. A book was a possibility, a romantic connection might turn up along the way, and the main goal was to make readers laugh and feel a bit better about their own tangled love lives. Humour of that kind is a recognizable genre in dating writing, turning common frustrations into shared jokes.