The V-SPOT Q+A

Vera Zyla offers sexy, sensible and sensational advice every week.
Got a question?
Drop a line here.

Talking to Teens is Tough!

Dear Vera,
I’m a mom of a 15 year old daughter and I want to get her a book about sexuality. I have talked to her a little but even though I consider myself very open I’m finding this really hard. What’s the latest, best book on introducing teens to that world that you would recommend? I figure that a book might help fill in the blanks.
Speechless in Saskatoon

Hi S in S,
You are not alone in the challenges of talking to your teen about sex! A book can help get the information across if you can’t find the words to do it yourself.

To Tantric or Not to Tantric?

Dear Vera,
I’m in a new relationship (2 months) and my girlfriend wants me to go to a tantric weekend workshop with her. I’m curious about it all but mostly I’m nervous as the date approaches. Do you have any suggestions on how to calm my nerves or what to expect?
Tantric Trembles

Dear TT,

Money Shot is a Blank Cheque

Dear Vera,
I met a new guy I’m really attracted to about a month ago and we seem to be very hot for each other and fuck a lot and are experimental so neither of us are shy about talking or doing it. My problem is he has never cum. He says its happened before for him when he starts a new relationship and it just takes time for him to get used to a new partner. I'm worried he just isn’t turned on by me enough to cum. He just ended a 7 year relationship 3 months ago and I am also thinking he still has feelings for his ex…should I just chill or is this a big red flag?

Safety Stinks!

Dear Vera,
I use condoms with my girlfriend but hate how they smell. Just one whiff of them is enough to make my dick limp. What the hell is that smell all about?
Limpy

Where does my rape fantasy come from?

Dear Vera,
I have a secret fantasy that involves me getting raped. By day I am married to a wonderful husband who is attentive, gentle and caring and who I’m getting somewhat bored with in the bedroom. I use this fantasy to help me have an orgasm while having sex with him. I am finding I am getting more and more critical of him in daily life and bored of him in the bedroom. I also work in the legal world that actually helps put nasty men who abuse women behind bars. I am feeling guilty about this fantasy that’s stuck in my head and wonder why it turns me on so much? Help?

Hold tight, she'll be back

Dear Vera,

I am two weeks out of a short relationship with someone I had nothing in common with. I am a thirty year old transgender male who is ready to settle down but my dating pool feels sort of small.
I recently met a woman who confessed to me that she went to great lengths to meet me after an event that we both attended. She had been waiting for me to break up with my girlfriend. We went out on a date and connected on every level. The sex was amazing, the conversation was amazing. She's my dream girl.

Locking Lips or Sucking Face?

Dear Vera,

What do you do if someone kisses like a fish? I got a chance to hook up with a really cute girl I've had my eye on for awhile, but when something finally happened, and we were making out she pretty much engulfed my whole mouth with hers. It was really weird. I kept trying to make my mouth bigger and bigger to make it stop, but then she would do the same thing. It was like having my face sucked on. Anyways, I like her, and I'd like to see her again, but only if that stops.
Thanks.
Suck Face in Sudbury

Dear Suck Face,

Is It Size or Self?

QUESTION
Dear Vera,
I am a young woman who is overweight. I am unhappy with my body, so I find it hard to show it to my husband, and do not enjoy sex as much as I did when I was proud of it. I know my husband is attracted to slim women, and I find it hard to believe he finds me sexy. Do you have any tips for someone with hang ups like mine?
Rubenesque in Richmond

Assumptions about Disability

QUESTION
Dear Vera,
Last weekend I met a girl sitting on a bench in a park. She is pretty and friendly and after a while she gave me her number. The problem though, is that when she got up to leave I noticed she had trouble walking and as she walked away I realized that she has cerebral palsy. Now I'm not sure if I should call her. I like her but the situation makes me uncomfortable. What effect does this condition have on someones sex life? Am I being a dick for letting this bother me?

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