Tips'n'Tricks for Successful Public Sex!

QUESTION:
Hi Leah,
I'm curious about how to have sex in public spaces. It always looks so easy in the movies—there's never any mess, no one gets caught and it's always spontaneous. In reality, how does it work? What are the consequences if you get caught? Where do you go, and what should you bring with you?
Lucy, Toronto


ANSWER:
Dear Lucy,
You're right, like most things, public sex goes much more smoothly in the movies than it can sometimes in real life—and if you're caught, the consequences can be serious—from getting arrested to being publicly shamed!
I recall the time a lover and I were at a bar and decided to slip outside for some good old-fashioned fresh-air lovin' rather than waitin' til we got home. After roaming the local streets for the perfect spot, we settled on a house with a high hedge and some nice dark spots to get down'n'dirty in without being easily spotted. It was easy for me to get nekkid, my only article of clothing was a skimpy dress, but he had a few more layers! Things went awry shortly after I got his jeans down and had started happily riding his cock. To our horror the second-floor window suddenly slammed open and a hoarse, gravelly voice started yelling "who do you think you are! I'm calling the police!" I yanked my dress on in about five seconds but my poor lover was falling over trying to get his pants back up, his dildo tucked back in and locate his glasses (they'd been knocked off into the grass). We high-tailed it to the relative safety of the back alley behind the bar, where we had a hot snogging session (fully clothed this time), blissed out on the endorphin rush from gettin' away with some spectacularly public sex!
To my mind, the secret of 'spontaneous' sex is to plan for it. After all, if you're ready for anything, you're a lot more likely to be able to handle whatever comes up.

Here are some points to ponder for the budding exhibitionist:
Location, Location, Location
Start looking at the world through the rose-coloured glasses of public sex plannin'! Ask friends about their favorite places—you'll be amazed how many indulge in a little bathroom stall bonking, relive their teen years in the back seat at the local drive-in theatre, or get off while riding public transit. Hang around possible locations and notice how often people actually look over when they go by. I have a fire escape I use for sex a lot where folks pass by ten feet away, and only once has anyone noticed, and they laughed their ass off and kept right on walking. Scope out handy escape routes, too, in case you need to hoof it in a hurry. If inside is more your style, find a bar where the staff don't care if you fuck in the washrooms, or better yet, do a little somethin'-somethin' in the darker corners of the dancefloor. As the fantabulous Sasha Van Bon Bon noted in her sizzling tour of Toronto, "Places to Bonk on Your Lunch Hour", peep shows, sex bars, strip clubs and porn theatres are also good bets for those looking for their own little piece of heaven.
Wardrobe
You can learn a lot about wardrobe planning from the escapade above. I wore clothes that indulge my fetish (being naked in public) while minimizing my chance of getting caught (easily donned dress, heels i could run in). For those with a cock, forgo underwear for the night. Or if you must, wear boxers with a nice roomy front opening. Tight underwear can get easily tangled up and bunching under your balls can be just plain uncomfortable. My had gone out packing that night, but for those who don't like wearing their cock unless they're about to use it, nip into the washroom and strap-on when you feel like taking the temperature up a notch or two. If you're planning some uber-public sex and don't want to scare the kiddes, consider long drapey skirts with no undies (so you can sit on your lover's, *ahem*, lap or conceal a groping hand—or even a small person!) or long trench coats, handy for sheilding prying eyes from your nibblier bits.
Logistics
Bring along any supplies you need (lube, gloves, condoms)—spontaneous doesn't mean rubbed raw, pregnant or getting a sexually transitted infection—and remember, using a condom on penises makes clean-up easier! And speakin' of clean-up, there's no doubt that depending what you're doin', and how squirty you get doin' it, mess can be a factor. I myself like sloshing my way home after a nice skanky night out, but some folks prefer to mop up a bit first. Pop a damp washcloth in a ziploc baggie (but don't share unless you're fluid-bound!), or know the location of a nearby washroom for a quick basin wash before heading back out on the town.
Documentation
If you're like me and enjoy recording your hi-jinks for posterity, bring along a camera. You'll get a whole new appreciation for POV porn, not to mention you'll be able to show your lover what they look like with a beard if you're not much into shaving and they're in the mood for a little hair pie!
If you follow these tips'n'tricks I predict you'll soon be shakin' yer bootie in some places (and faces!) you've only dreamed of til now! And lovin every minute of it!
Kisses,
Leah

Got a question?
Drop a line here.