My boyfriend of six months claims not to like blowjobs. I find this strange. If it really is the case, and he just doesn’t get off on them, then I’m happy to leave it at that, but I worry it’s some sort of hang-up he has, and he’s just denying himself pleasure for whatever reason. Does that sound plausible? Or am I over-thinking this? He goes down on me, so that’s not a problem. I’d just like to be able to reciprocate.
Dear B-J less
A book titled Becoming Orgasmic—which is primarily targeted for women but has great wisdom for both genders— suggests that trying a sexual technique a number of times to acclimatize you to the sounds and sensations to give yourself an opportunity to become familiar with it before passing judgement that it’s not for you. It’s sort of like trying a new food. First time you try it, it can be weird and strange and you say to yourself…‘I don’t like that.’ Second time you try the same food the dislike is smaller and the familiar feeling is stronger giving room for pleasure to arrive on the taste buds of life.
I believe the same can be true with new partners. What worked or didn’t work with your last partner can be a total different ball game with your new partner and their body, skillset, comfort level and boundaries. This is the fun part about enjoying the journey and not just the destination.
You could have a dialogue with him and ask if he might be willing to give you an opportunity to blow him on 10 different occasions as an experiment. During these blowjobs there also must be some dialogue between both of you. That dialogue will guide you to finding and adjusting your technique to his sweet spots of sensation and pleasure.
The 3 areas of variation in a blowjob are speed, pressure and length of glide on the shaft. Using a 1 to 10 scale with one being the slowest or lightest and ten being the hardest and fastest, ask him to offer feedback on what would feel better for him when you are blowing him. Remember that every good blowjob is a combination of handwork and mouth work. Pick up How to be a Great Lover by Lou Padget to add some new moves to your repertoire and get some refresher tips.
I would also talk with him about his past BJ experiences because yes, you may be onto something about a hang up. But you don’t really know and you can’t be his therapist anyways, so don’t try to be. Dialogue with a close intimate can be just enough to let him find his own way through that world at his own pace.
If after all this he still says a BJ just does not turn his crank you can ask him to let you give him one once in a while because it turns you on if you do indeed want that opportunity . That’s my blow by blow for you. Good luck!