Addicted to porn?

 Dear V ,

I am 32 years old man and I have been married from three years ago.

I love my wife and I am faithful to her, but i am addicted to porn since I was 14.
I masturbate a lot, i am addicted to it, i tried to stop many times but I always fail. I never cheated on my wife but i tend to flirt with girls and I desire to have sex with them. I have a lot of fantasy about women I know or I encounter.

Can masturbating everyday cause any problems?
Regards Ricardo

Dear R,
For a healthy man of 32, having a daily masturbation habit is not a problem in and of itself. If your wife only wants to have sex with you 2-3 times a week and you have lots of juice to spare, masturbating can be a great way to have an intimate connection with yourself that’s hot while still maintaining your sexual connections with your wife and keep your commitments to being monogamous.

If your wife wants to have sex with you every day and you are opting out on occasion to masturbate that can still be ok if you can negotiate that with your wife and let her know. It would avoid the nasty possible scenario of “not today honey” and then her walking in on you masturbating and then having the possibility of some bad feelings generated by that experience.

Saying you are addicted to porn is a strong statement. There are many possibilities to what that might mean. The most sex you may have in your lifetime may actually be with yourself and that’s ok. Some men have a very high testosterone level which correlates to a high sex drive and that is totally normal. So a simple shift in your acceptance that you will masturbate and watch porn for the rest of your life might be a simple antidote as long as it’s not interfering with your commitments and relationships in any way.

A book I would recommend you read is Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan The book argues that we humans are not meant to be monogamous and has some great science and arguments behind it but I know the realities are difficult to incorporate and practice in every relationship in today’s society.

Another book that’s on my reading list but I have not got to is called Pornland: How Porn has Hijacked our Sexuality by Gail Dines. And this might also be a good read for you to balance and explore the other side of your concerns regarding what you call the addicted element of your habits.

 Vera

 

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