The GFE Explained!

 Finally, The GFE Explained
by Peter Berton

What the heck is the ‘GFE’? Why do so many sex workers offer it – and why do their customers ask for it?

To find out, we convened a panel of three respected, knowledgeable and erudite sex workers. They are Carrie Moon, Emma Alexandra Page, and Nikki Thomas (who is also Executive Director of Sex Professionals of Canada). They were more than happy to tell us about the GFE – and why it appeals to clients and sex workers alike.

Sex Life Canada (SLC): What is the GFE?

Nikki: GFE stands for “Girlfriend Experience” and is a particular type of sexual service and fantasy. Essentially, the client wants to feel like the provider is acting as his girlfriend, rather than just a fuck-buddy or “friend with benefits.” This usually entails a lot of kissing, cuddling, and caressing, and is meant to be more intimate than other forms of sexual fantasy. It’s quite different than the wham-bam, thank-you-ma’am sessions that might occur in shorter appointments.

Carrie Moon: Before the Internet became the main form of advertising, there virtually was no GFE to my knowledge. In fact, before the Internet, it was never even asked for that I can recall.

Emma: GFE - the Girl Friend Experience without the drama. To me, this means kissing, cuddling, laughing and lots and lots of passion. I treat my client as if they are my one and only; my boyfriend for the amount of time I'm with him. If you want drama, I'll throw that in for free!

Nikki: In recent times, the GFE moniker has become more specific, in regards to certain services; BBBJ (bareback blowjob, or oral sex without a condom) has become the norm in GFE sessions, so providers who insist on safer-sex practices will often advertise a “Safe GFE” to indicate their limits. It should be noted that GFE does NOT include unprotected penetrative sex; the “Safe GFE” qualifier does not mean that regular GFE sessions involve unprotected services.

Carrie: I refer to myself as a safe GFE ( I always use condoms) when asked if I'm GFE, simply because I don't like saying I'm NOT GFE.

I believe many if not all of my clients are happy that I'm safe. It lessens their worries especially if they're married that they may go home with something. Everyone has their comfort level with the amount of risk they are willing to take in this job

SLC: Why do clients seem to want the GFE so much?

Emma: I think they want it because it's something they are missing in their life. Everyone needs to feel wanted and needed. GFE is so much more personal then the old style which I refer to as "hooker" or "street walker". Their style is no kissing, just robotic gratification. GFE is making both people happy – the client and the provider.

Carrie: Many want the kind of experience from an escort that makes them feel like they're on a real date as part of the fantasy -- and many escorts feel the same way! The ones I know who offer GFE want to kiss so that they get turned on. But often I hear too that someone has poor hygiene or is a horrible kisser and they feel they still have to ''provide the GFE service" they've advertised. This is frankly a position I never wish to be in.

SLC: Does the demand for the GFE point to something being missing in married/involved men's relationships?

Carrie: Not necessarily. A client can have very satisfied sex lives and still wish to have the same GFE in their time with their escort; or as close to it as possible. Many people feel a need to enjoying french kissing as part of the encounter. It can be they're missing intimacy at home but it can also mean it's what they are used to! I know I lose out on clients who ''need'' this as I do not offer it.

Emma: Not necessarily, but in most cases I would say yes. Men are hunters, so they will hunt. But with them hunting GFE. I do think it’s for more then the hunt; it's for pleasure and the need to feel intimacy with someone.

Nikki: Not necessarily. Many people enjoy higher degrees of intimacy among their sexual partners, regardless of relationship status; many one-night stands will involve the same level of passion as a pay-for-play session might include. In many ways, the GFE, from a client’s perspective, is a precursor to a session that feels more “real” and less “robotic” if that makes sense. The majority of clients appreciate feeling some level of connection with their provider.

Emma: Most often, I think their wives or SOs are taking them for granted. Men need love, respect, acknowledgement, tenderness, appreciation as much as women do. Some ladies forget that.

Nikki: For our part, providers often enjoy their clients more when that connection is apparent, and it can also make us feel more valued and appreciated by our clients. When someone asks for a GFE-type session, it usually entails the same amount of actual “sex” as a shorter session, but there’s a lot more time to build that sexual tension, tease each other a little bit, and have a more playful, intimate experience.

SLC: So, as a provider, you see GFE as being a good thing?

Nikki: There’s a wider range of fantasies that can be fulfilled in a GFE session, whereas a shorter, one-hour get-together tends to limit what sort of pleasures we can enjoy. Of course, there’s a definite need for those shorter sessions; a friend once told me, “you can’t predict a hard-on” and sometimes, when the clients only have a short window of time and just want to enjoy a release, a more quick-and-dirty session can absolutely satisfy their needs. But if a client wants to fulfill his psychological and emotional desires at the same time, the GFE is the perfect vehicle for doing so.

I think the popularity of the GFE suggests that clients are not the objectifying jerks they’re often made out to be. If we were just objects for their enjoyment, and they didn’t care about us beyond the fact that we help them get off, why would they want any degree of intimacy with us at all? Why would they spend the extra time (and money) getting to know us as people if we were just toys for their amusement?

I think that the popularity of the GFE reflects as much on clients’ motivations for seeing us, as opposed to any perceived lack in their long-term relationships. If anything, there’s a greater risk of a client becoming unreasonably attached to a provider who he visits for GFE services, so the opposite problem might present itself; the client actually values the provider too much, rather than not enough, and reads too much into the intimacy. That can be just as difficult for a provider than the reverse.

SLC: Finally, do women have a 'BFE' that they would be willing to pay for, if it was offered?

Nikki: I’ve been approached by a handful of male providers in the past, offering me their BFE services in exchange for cross-promotion, but at this point in my life, I’m participating exclusively on the supply side of the equation. If, in the future, I find myself on the demand side, I would absolutely prefer a BFE-type experience, because sex can be so much better when you feel a connection with your partner. I think that holds true for most people, regardless of whether there’s some sort of negotiated transaction between partners.

Now, if I’m in the mood for a good, hard fuck session, I might choose to seek out someone who’s more experienced in that sort of service, but the additional pleasure that comes with a stronger connection is definitely worth the extra expense.

Emma: It's offered all the time, but not in the way most ladies would like. We want real, not pretend. Hmmm, would I pay for it? Truthfully, not me.

Carrie: I doubt it. Women can get pretty much whatever they want without having to pay for it!