The Fine Art of Public Humiliation-The Everything To Do With Sex Show

 This article was supposed to be coverage of the 2010 Everything To Do With Sex Show in Toronto. But instead is about the public humiliation I endured at the event. No, I wasn’t a volunteer in a BDSM humiliation scene. That would have been nice. What happened was not nice at all.

While we were roaming the vendor space, Hedonism Resorts was having one of those audience-participation contests where they haul couples up on stage to do silly things. My partner and I are both from performing arts backgrounds and have no qualms about making asses of ourselves for laughs and potential prizes, so we went up.

We went up with three other couple, ditching our coats and bags on a table. We lined up across the stage. The MC joked around for a bit, and then they brought my girlfriend and I up to the front to be the first couple to compete.

The woman who had been herding us onstage then yelled across to the MC “Wait, she’s pregnant.”

The MC looks directly at me and says into the microphone, in front of an audience of hundreds, that the game is physical so maybe I shouldn’t play since I’m pregnant.I am not pregnant. I am fat. I’m plump, portly, chubby, soft & cuddly, whatever you want to call it. I wear a size 12, if you care. I exercise 3-4 times a week and I eat healthily. My parents are fat, their parents were fat—this is just what my body looks like. I have lovers who are bigger than I am, and lovers who are smaller, and I adore all of their bodies. I’m fat and I’m usually fine with it.

But the fact that my fat resides mostly in my belly means that people regularly—I’d say at least 3 times a year—feel free to vocally assume I’m knocked up. They assume I’m happy to be expecting and it’s totally cool to comment on it.

It’s not. It’s not cool at all.

It’s not cool because if the person who you are talking to is not pregnant, like me, then what you are doing is calling them fat to their face. And it’s not “fat” as I used it above, as a word I (and my larger sized brethren) are reclaiming. It isn’t used as a word that means bountiful, beautiful, squeezable and sexy. If you assume someone is pregnant and they aren’t, you are saying “your body is not right, it is only acceptable if you have a baby in that belly.” What you are doing is shaming them.

It is also not cool if the person is pregnant. What if she’s had miscarriages and/or stillbirths before and does not want to discuss her current pregnancy in public? What if she doesn’t want the child and has been pressured to keep it by anti-choice family or partner? What if they already know the fetus has deformities, what if it’s scheduled for adoption, what if, what if, what if? You don’t know anything about what is going on with that woman’s body and life so you have no right to comment on it.

Everyone’s body is unique: where we carry our extra weight, the particular curl of our hair, the shape of our ears—the factors that differentiate us are vast. If you cannot be open-minded enough to find beauty in this diversity, at least be respectful enough to keep your mouth shut when it comes to commenting on another person’s physical being.

If I didn’t have a bad opinion of Hedonism resorts before, I certainly do now. It seems clear that they expect everyone to be either slender or pregnant.

There is humour to be found in all this. I made a bit of a scene about the comment, as you can expect, and to try to shut me up they gave me “gifts.” One was a hair straightener (which I will never use because I have better things to do with my time than force the curl out of my hair) and the other was a hippie book of aphrodisiac recipes. The book is funny enough itself, but to really add a punch line to the incident, the title page is signed by the authors. The signature is addressed to “Tony.”

Luckily I can laugh at myself. I can also laugh at the fatphobic Hedonism people scrambling around to find some free shit to give to the angry fat chick, ultimately depriving poor Tony of his aphrodisiacs.



"If you cannot be open-minded enough to find beauty in this diversity, at least be respectful enough to keep your mouth shut when it comes to commenting on another person’s physical being."

Normally, I would agree with this comment, but in this case it sounds like they simply were concerned about another persons well being rather then trying to insult someone over the state of their body as this author is trying to to accuse them of. It's obvious the person did not intend to insult the author. Based on what the woman told the MC, he was only concerned for her health. Now, based only on the misjudgment of that woman, the author is only trying to paint them all with a hate brush, making this entire blog nothing but hyperbole.

As for not "commenting on another's physical being"; I'm not aware of a person that dislikes someone positively commenting on their new hair cut, or the positive effects of a lot of hard work at the gym that's paying off. To simply not "comment on another person’s physical being", is this author's personal view because they're not comfortable with themselves & their body. To almost tell someone they look well today only to decide not to because of ridiculous speculations like "but what if they have a tumor?" or "what if they just found out they're lactose intolerent?" what if? what if? what if?...  According to the author we should not even acknowledge a person's pregnancy because there's the off chance the fetus may have deformities! Absurd! (BTW please don't misinterpret my words for hostility against those of us with handicaps).

It was just a ridiculous overreaction to one person's misjudgment. They even apologized for the mistake, (mistake, not insult), and tried to makeup for it with free gifts, which the stubborn author accepted and then turned around to post nasty comments on the internet about them anyways, as well as complaining that her "gifts" were not up to her standard.

This sounds like someone just blowing off steam or it could be just another example of someone trying to be "holier then thou" because they think they're more enlightened then everyone and like to make themselves a victim. Please don't believe you are "open minded" when really you only want everyone to conform to your view of the world.

No doubt that company's name has been tarnished in the eyes of the author's readers. Hmm... it's funny how the author is now prejudice against the entire resort instead of the one individual who made the misjudgment based on concern for her well being. Now the author is painting them all with the same prejudice brush, and isn't this the type of outlook everyone in a sex-positive/alternative lifestyle is trying to escape?

On a final note, I'd like to say a few comments in this article hit me personally because a close friend is pregnant and recently found out their child will likely be born with down syndrome. They are ecstatic about being blessed with a child and will love them unconditionally regardless of their physical being. She is overjoyed to share her happiness with anyone who congratulates her and appreciates those who are concerned for her health.