A Blogger By Any Other Name: Rosa Nomore
It used to be that people would explore their thoughts and desires in journals. These journals would then likely remain under lock and key for as long as the writer chose to keep them. We can only guess how many inspiring thoughts and useful information has been lost through time. Now, blogs have taken over and anyone can share their musings with the world. Sure, blogs can sometimes be tedious and banal, but blogs are also a rich source of new and creative thinking, particularly in sex communities.
Rosa Nomore explores a wide variety of kinky topics on her blog From Beneath the Rose. She also provides information and sometimes dabbles in erotica. Sexlife Canada chatted with Rosa Nomore about her inspiration for the blog and why she writes for the vast public.
SLC: What inspired you to explore your kinky nature?
RN: It wasn’t inspiration as much as desperation actually. I had reached a point where it was either let it out or implode—and that was just too messy. I blame and thank the internet for egging me on; however, it was the sudden diagnosis and death of a co-worker in 2010 that finally pushed me out of the closet. If I learned anything from her it was that we deny aspects of ourselves at our peril.
SLC: And then to write about it?
RN: The choice to start a blog was originally driven by the need for self-expression. I came out the kinky closet in baby steps. I joined Fetlife and started participating in discussions, but I needed an outlet just for my own thoughts. I had come across the blogs of others and thought why not add my story to the many others out there. Once it was online and no longer just dreams and thoughts in my own head, it all seemed so much more real to me. As time passed I realized that my blog, my stories were being read by others. I’d get the odd comment from a reader that made me feel like I should keep going. Before I knew it, the blog was a year old.
SLC: When did you first start writing about your exploration into kink?
RN: My first blog post was September 13, 2010.
SLC: Did you have someone who was an inspiration for this?
RN: No one person in particular. When I was looking for a name for my blog, I came across the term “subrosa.” Apparently in Roman times the rose was used to signify a secret meeting place or a place of secrecy. I chose “Subrosanomore” (which I have since shortened to Rosa Nomore) and the blog’s name “From Beneath the Rose” to symbolize my coming out from a place of secrecy and into the light.
SLC: How do you describe yourself and your sexuality?
RN: The older I get, the less use I have for labels. I move fairly fluidly across a few lines. I am more into who people are than what their labels are. If I feel a connection to someone, the rest tends to be secondary. If anything, my sexuality is evolving.
SLC: Do you worry about being "outed" because of your blog?
RN: Not really. I mean I don’t go around talking about my blog at work anymore than I would talk about my sex life when I was in a vanilla marriage to a heterosexual man. It wouldn’t be appropriate in that setting. I started using an alias in the beginning because I wasn’t very sure of myself and didn’t want to be put in a position where I had to explain or justify my then recent choices to anyone. I’m less worried than I was a year ago. To be honest, I love getting feedback about my blog. What writer doesn’t like feedback? Many people in the local kink community know who Rosa Nomore is, and I’m fine with that.
SLC: What is the goal of your blog? A journal for you? Education for others?
RN: It’s meant to provide information, personal stories, musings and erotica, from the perspective of a forty-something year old. I’ve written about a variety of different topics:
- coming out (as kinky) to your partner
- erotic and paranormal romances- safe sex you can indulge in, in public, without a wrapper
- making inexpensive toys
- cock and ball torture
- masturbating with clothespins
- pollination of flowers by honey bee from a kinky perspective
…and the list goes on.
SLC: What are some of the responses you've received?
RN: Some of my favourite comments have come back to me via personal messages or emails from friends on Fetlife. The post on “Memories of My First Dominant” was a particularly emotional, but very satisfying one for me to write. It was about my relationship with my father. I got such wonderful comments on it from other kinksters who could relate to the story. There are a lot of daddies’ girls out there and men who think about the sort of father figure they are to their growing children. The afterglow the comments generated lasted for days.
SLC: What are you plans for the future: in your explorations and your writings?
RN: Well, I’m working on a book—The Cougar Chronicles. It started out as a writing project on Fetlife but after getting some encouragement to take it further, I’ve done so—40,000 words and counting. It is a piece of fiction—a combination of journal entries and brief adventures of a forty-something woman who is exploring her sexuality and stepping into the realm of BDSM. Some parts are based on my own experiences; others were inspired by conversations or blog entries, while others are pure fiction. My goal is to self-publish it and see where it goes. Like almost everyone who has put pen to page (or fingers to keyboard), I fantasize about quitting my day job and writing and blogging full time. If I blogged less, the book would probably be done by now, but in truth, because of the format (journal entries and adventures), I don’t want to rush the journey of exploration for my heroine or for me.
I’ve recently embraced the fact that I have switch tendencies and have only just started to scratch the surface there.
And I’m very interested in the spiritual aspects of BDSM. I’m currently reading Spirit of Desire, edited by Lee Harrington. As many people will tell you, while sex is great, BDSM is also about surrender, intention, connection, love, intimacy...the list goes on. There is so very much to explore and discover and I’ve only just begun!